My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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