dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
