when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
