after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did I show you my penis last night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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