if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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