i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
