I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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