what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
