it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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