ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My penis needs a shock collar
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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