Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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