So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
