Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I die, sorry about rent.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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