Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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