Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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