I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
