i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
