In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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