saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am mentally ready for anal.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
