everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
of course. lets lasso hookers.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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