There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
