you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
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I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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