There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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