So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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