i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
