I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She needs sedatives and a leash
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
