Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I intend to get homeless drunk
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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