it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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