I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
