College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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