I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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