capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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