I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
