What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need water and some morals
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
