he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
