I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
