I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
