I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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