sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
