she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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