I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
