i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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