I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
