I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
