Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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