Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
