he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
