is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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