Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
