Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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