we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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