just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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