I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
