sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
