: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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