my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
