last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Even my vagina gasped.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
