Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
