I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
