I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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