Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
