I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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