bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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