Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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