I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
