he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
