You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
