Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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