and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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