I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
